


An Untied Tongue is Twice The Risk

by princessofthedeadsheep



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Altered Mental States, Brother Feels, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Light Angst, Mental Coercion, Mild Language, Prompt Fic, Truth Serum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23941243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessofthedeadsheep/pseuds/princessofthedeadsheep
Summary: The truth, unwillingly given, is a burden to both parties. Sometimes, though, that allows for some hidden pains to finally be put to rest.
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric
Comments: 4
Kudos: 93
Collections: Truth or...?





	An Untied Tongue is Twice The Risk

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to be editing this so hard later but I had to get it posted today and that was that so bear with me for all its flaws, okay? If you'd rather wait to read it that might be better, but I can't stop you from reading this first draft horror.  
> Edit: So it is now edited! Nice and clean and in the same tense, even! I'm actually a lot happier with this now that I know it isn't a grammatical mess. I didn't think I liked it at all but no, that was just the grammar.

“What do you want this time, Bastard?” Edward demanded of the Colonel as the door bounced off the wall. 

“Good Afternoon, Fullmetal. You’re only a half hour late, should I mark the calendar?” Mustang asked, all smug condescension. Ed snarled as he flopped onto Mustang’s couch, while Alphonse closed the door behind himself with far more politeness than Ed would ever pretend to have. “Good afternoon to you as well, Alphonse.” The Colonel added with the barest hint of a smile. If Ed hadn’t been looking for it he wouldn’t have seen it, but Ed also knew no one could help but like Al, unless they were a sociopath. Which, though still a bastard, Mustang was not. 

“Hello, Colonel,” Al responded politely, and Ed intervened before he had to deal with small talk.

“So what is it? Do you have a new lead?” Ed asked, glaring at the Colonel.

“No, you’ll have to do your actual job this time, Fullmetal. There is a rogue alchemist here in East City, attacking state alchemist hopefuls after getting rejected herself, and you are going to track her down.” Mustang pulled one of the files off of his desk to hand over to Ed. Grudgingly, Ed leaned forward and took it, flipping it open to see a picture of a woman with tanned skin, hazel eyes and dark brown hair. Ed thought her photo gave off a very haughty feeling, as though she couldn’t believe she was being questioned. Moving onto the actual file, he saw her name was Bertha Poe, she was apparently 5’4 (taller than him _again_ , damn it) weighed about 120 pounds… had passed the written exam but failed the interview. Apparently she was considered too unstable for military work. Ed was surprised the military had actually cared about that, but considering there was no other reasoning listed, it was entirely possible that it was an excuse.

“Why didn’t she pass the interview?” Ed asked, looking up at Mustang. “It takes a lot for the Military to consider someone ‘too unstable’ from what I can tell.” Mustang seemed to be restraining himself from rolling his eyes, but answered anyway.

“She detailed how she wished to experiment on a Major General. The military doesn’t really condone human experimentation on its officers, and it appreciates threats of experimentation on its generals even less,” Mustang responded dryly. Ed snorted in response before he started flipping through her file while Mustang continued.

“As soon as they told her that she hadn’t passed she had a breakdown right there in the exam room. They had to drag her out. Not two weeks later she arrived back here, where she lived originally, and started attacking others who are known to have taken or are planning to take the State Alchemist Exam. Her specialty is in biological alchemy.”

“You’re sure it’s her?” Ed asked, glancing up from where he was squinting at the name Barnabus Nosferatu (The Tenth, which meant at least ten people thought that was a good name and that was just mind boggling) to catch the Bastard’s eye.

“Three of our victims positively identified her,” Mustang said, nodding to the report Ed was holding as he clasped his hands in front of his mouth, “Full statements are in there of course, but Aelita Lucifen, Devlyn Charlemagne, and Barnabus Nosferatu all picked her out of a set of photos, though we’re taking Nosferatu’s testimony with some skepticism as he appears to have been compromised.” Ed raised an eyebrow and Mustang sighed. “The man is now convinced that instead of an alchemist, he’s always wanted to be a Prima Ballerino.”

Ed didn’t expect the laughing snort that came out of him, but the mental picture of this very large man in a white tutu took him entirely off guard. Ed knew next to nothing about Ballet, men probably didn’t even wear those, but it was a humorous image all the same. He wasn’t alone though- Al had given a squeaking noise that had ended in a giggle and Mustang’s lip had twitched just enough for it to show behind his clasped hands.

“Yes, his wife was rather alarmed by this sudden change in attitude and had him committed to the hospital to check his condition. He didn’t initially seem to be related but when questioned he relayed seeing Poe and getting caught in a transmutation,” Mustang said.

“Aw, his wife wouldn’t let him follow his new dream? Nothing wrong with being a Prima Ballerino!” Ed said, grinning the whole time. Mustang merely quirked an eyebrow and continued. 

“None of the effects have been the same. Aelita Lucifen is speaking in nothing but Cretan, but according to the translator she was already mostly fluent, and simply seems unable to recall how to speak Amestrian, though she can understand it. Devlyn Charlemagne is acting like a dog,” he continued a little louder and quicker when Ed opened his mouth to interrupt, “Steven Superbi was temporarily incapable of making new memories, and Charles Lance is in a coma so we are unsure if he is experiencing any other symptoms.”

Ed frowned. Those were very different results. What exactly was this alchemist trying to do? Prove to the Military she knew how to incapacitate a victim? Make it so no one else could take the exam? Were these results even the ones she wanted or was she just testing and changing the same array? All the effects appeared to be related to brain function in some way, after all. Though how that had made someone want to be a Prima Ballerino, he sure didn’t know.

“Do you know anything about the arrays she was using?” Al asked. Mustang shook his head. 

“Of those who remember being attacked, it seems the common thread was being led to another place where a hidden transmutation circle was activated under them. They saw Poe during the transmutation but apparently it knocked them for enough of a loop to prevent them from pursuing, for those who would have been so inclined. All the little details are in the file, it should be a short read,” he finished with an unmistakably smug expression.

“WHO YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU’D NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE HIM?” Ed screamed, attempting to leap forward only to be stopped by Al gripping him around the middle.

“Brother, that’s not what he said,” Al tried to placate him while the Bastard watched him with that stupid smug face of his.

“Surely you can manage such a small task, Fullmetal?” Mustang said, his grin only becoming smugger as Ed redoubled his efforts to escape Al’s arms and beat his face in. “You don’t even have to leave the city. I also expect you to check in each day Poe isn’t caught, but I’m sure it won’t take you long.”

“WHAT?” Ed stopped struggling long enough to slam his automail arm down onto the couch in indignation, only failing to damage it because Al’s arms were still kind of in the way and he didn’t hit as hard as he’d intended to. “I DON’T NEED TO BE BABYSAT, MUSTANG!”

“I didn’t say anything about babysitting, did I, Fullmetal?” Mustang picked up one of the papers on his desk with an air of dismissal (to piss Ed off even more, that bastard). “I merely wish to know how far along you get in your investigation, and to make sure you’re updated on any changes in the victims’ status. Hardly an unreasonable request,” his eyes flicking up, Mustang added “And it’s only a minuscule part of your day-”

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING TINY YOU OVERGROWN TOENAIL CLIPPER?” Ed screamed. Mustang opened his mouth to respond when there was a knock at the door and Hawkeye opened it without waiting for an acknowledgement.

“Sir,” she said, inclining her head, “I apologize for the intrusion but General Grumman is asking for you.” 

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Mustang put down the paper he’d been holding as he got up. His face took on that blank expression Ed hated as he gave his parting order. “Everyday until she’s caught, Fullmetal.” he then looked to Al as Ed snarled, and Al meekly nodded.

“We’ll call, Colonel,” Al promised on Ed’s (unwilling) behalf. Mustang nodded, and left with a murmured word to Hawkeye, who turned back to Edward and Alphonse. 

“I’m sure you’re eager to get started on your mission,” she said, her voice level but with a threat still underlying in that way only Hawkeye could manage, “but don’t forget to check in. While not your usual procedure this is not a usual case, and I would not want the Colonel to be distracted from his paperwork attempting to track you down for an update.” Thoroughly cowed, Ed nodded, controlling his scowl so as not to direct it at her. Ed would never risk the wrath of Riza Hawkeye so long as he could help it. 

They made their way to the library, familiar territory where they could spread out the papers in the file and read through it together. It was a rather thick file compared to what Mustang usually gave him, but the Colonel had been right in that what information there was didn’t take long to read. Military formatting was just stupidly long.

Bertha Poe had apparently been banking on the money from the State Alchemist title, and when she’d returned to East City she was kicked out of her apartment, leaving her current whereabouts unknown. A week after she disappeared the attacks began, and there had been one every few days. She'd lived alone and had no other living family, so that was a dead end. Her alchemy had been biological alchemy according to her submitted papers, but as she hadn’t made it to the last part of the test they only had her description of what it would be, rather than an example. She stated it would be a way to protect spies by making sure they couldn’t give away their position by mistake. Ed was highly skeptical and based on the notes written in the comment section of her application, he wasn’t the only one. Maybe she was just bad at phrasing things, but it sounded like a load of nonsense. 

“Brother, I think I know why the Colonel and Lieutenant want you to report in so much.” Al said. Ed grunted to show he was listening. Then he looked up because Al hadn’t spoken, which meant he wanted Ed’s full attention. Seeing he had it, Al continued “several of the victims ended up wandering around in a daze, forgetting what they were doing, collapsing on the spot… they probably want to make sure they know if they should be worried.”

“Worried!” Ed rolled his eyes, “Yeah, worried that his promotion pawn won’t be around when he needs it.”

“Brother, you know that’s not true,” Al said with a sigh of exasperation. Ed ignored him and continued to flip through the papers. 

“No brain damage, according to the medical reports?” he asked, and Al shook his head, exchanging over the ones he’d been looking at with Ed’s. 

“No damage, exactly. There are neurological changes, obviously, but what we know about the brain is not enough to say just how much was changed.” Al sighed, “We really don’t know a whole lot about how the mind works, sadly.” Ed agreed - it would probably be a fascinating field to study himself if it didn't require a lot of work with people - but scientific measurements for the brain weren’t really there to use in the first place. Going through the papers left them with at least a few solid leads and the general area where all the victims had been found was pretty small, so at least they wouldn’t have to bounce around the entirety of East City to look for her.

They did, however, have to spend days tracking down leads (which meant days calling in to Mustang, leaving Ed in a sour mood). The woman was slippery, Ed would give her that, because by day three they had only found two people who had caught sight of her at all near the places where she’d attacked the other alchemists. It wasn’t until Ed heard two people bitching about an extremely rude homeless woman that he finally got another lead. She had been smart enough to keep her hunting grounds separate from where she lived, it seemed. The men in question had seen her around the slums, which was a decent distance away from the neighborhoods that the other alchemists had been attacked in. Ed did not doubt for a second that she was squatting in an abandoned house, too full of herself to consider the streets even if she didn’t have alchemy research to worry about, and sure enough, when he and Al headed over to the slums in question, there were several people more than happy to direct them to the house they’d last spotted her in. Apparently, she was bad at making friends.

“Careful, Brother, she probably has trap arrays set around the whole place,” Al reminded him. Ed shrugged, but kept an eye out all the same. Carefully, he and Al made their way towards the house. Ed kept an eye out for the tell-tale signs of transmutation or an array, but it seemed to be clear. They managed to get into the house with no issues and no activating arrays, and they could hear the woman muttering from further in. On high alert because Ed did not want to bark like a dog, he made his way quietly towards the sound. 

There was a screech of “You!”, and a thud, which had Ed running forward, still casting quick eyes around for signs of a trap as he surged towards the sound. He heard Al hissing out a worried exclamation behind him, but didn't acknowledge his brother, trying to avoid detection. The thud, it turned out, was not from a living thing, but rather from a mannequin with a face on it. Ed didn’t recognize who the mannequin was supposed to be, but it was somebody, given the human-like face. “I’ll show you how much better I am than all those wannabes! No one else knows the mind like I do! I can make our soldiers loyal and our enemies useless! And you dared to fail me!” So probably one of the proctors, Ed thought. She was at the other side of the large room which was likely meant to be the master bedroom, though it held only a decrepit desk, chair, and the weird mannequin. She hadn’t seen him yet, and given her penchant for ambush, he thought he could take her down pretty easily. 

“I can see why they failed you, because I certainly don’t like the sound of that,” Ed said, striding into the room. She jumped up and whirled towards him. 

“You’ll see, you’ll all see! I’m better than all of the other state alchemists combined!” she declared.

“I can’t tell if you’re insane or just stupidly arrogant,” Ed said, honestly impressed by this level of delusion. He knew he was at least a little full of himself, but even he wouldn’t go _that_ far. “But if you think you’re so impressive, then why don’t you come with me and you can tell the military all about it?” She paused, and she almost seemed to be considering it. 

“Brother,” he heard Al say, very quietly from behind him, his voice uneasy. Al remained just out of sight, and the woman didn’t seem to have heard him. 

“Yes, yes… I will, I will show them,” she muttered to herself. She didn’t seem to be all there, and Ed wondered if the exam had actually made her snap. “I have to prove it to them, to show them…” and she lunged at Ed. 

Having half expected this, Ed immediately reacted, dodging away from her and counter attacking. She was surprisingly nimble, dodging him and getting out the door behind him, and running right into Al. Al grabbed her but she used that to her advantage, jerking down in his hold and activating a transmutation circle on the floor in front of the door that was so well hidden Ed was honestly impressed for the brief second before he was pissed. The wood under her fingers came alive and Al tried to pull her away but it was already too late. Ed could feel the transmutation activate, it hit him like a ton of bricks. There was a rushing in his ears, and he felt really dizzy for a moment, but he could still hear Al’s desperate cry of “Brother!” without much trouble. It wasn’t more than a few seconds and then Ed was blinking up at Al with a smile.

“I’m not hurt, Al,” and he was relieved that it came out perfectly fine. His Eastern accent maybe a bit more pronounced than usual, but that happened sometimes. Based on Al’s relaxing posture, he had heard it just fine too. Ed felt fine. Once the dizziness was gone he felt the same as he did when he walked in. The woman however, grinned.

“My best work, yes, the very best… you’ll see,” Poe smiled, and suddenly, Ed didn’t think she was nearly as crazy as she was acting. There was a viciousness to her grin, and more sanity in her eyes than he would have expected. Ed shrugged, rolled his eyes, but there was an uneasy feeling in his gut. The transmutation circle she’d used was burned into the wood now, obvious where it once was hidden, but he didn’t know enough about this kind of alchemy to read what it was supposed to do.

“Let’s go give Colonel Bastard a call, Al, he’s gonna want to send some people and I don’t want to deal with her more than I have to,” Ed said after a moment. Al agreed, though he kept a firm grip on the woman as Ed searched her for any other transmutation circles. He found one on a ring which was hanging around her neck and took it off, but otherwise it appeared that she had no more arrays on her person. “Any other arrays we should know about?” he asked, more than a bit sarcastically. Her grin was unwavering.

“None that can be activated, at least,” she said, seemingly unconcerned. Ed was tempted to knock her out because she was freaking him out a little bit, but he shrugged and left Al to keep track of her on the doorstep of the house, not wanting either out of his sight while he went to the corner payphone. His call to Hawkeye had been quick, at least, and he was back giving the woman the beady eye in no time. It didn’t take long for Mustang’s team and a few others to arrive. Bertha Poe was taken away, her ring array taken into evidence, and Ed ended up back in the room the woman was using as a study, pulling apart all of her research with Al and Mustang. 

“So I couldn’t fail to notice, Fullmetal, that there is an array outside of that door,” Mustang said mildly. Ed leveled a glare at him, which, of course, didn’t deter Mustang at all. “You wouldn’t happen to know if it was activated, would you?” 

“Yes,” Ed responded, satisfied in his non-answer. Mustang, of course, only rolled his eyes. 

“Did anyone get caught in that array, Fullmetal?” he asked point blank. 

Ed opened his mouth to tell him no, but suddenly found his mind blanking. It was like his mouth had forgotten the word ‘no’, as though it was a foreign sound to his vocal cords. He struggled to find a coherent sentence that didn’t say the truth. His lack of answer had Mustang narrowing his eyes, and his sudden struggle to speak was probably pretty obvious too. Putting down the papers that Mustang had originally been going through, Mustang turned to look directly at Edward. In the corner of Ed’s eye, he could see Al was looking up and Havoc, who had been putting her mannequin and other non-alchemic things away, turned to see what was happening. 

“Fullmetal, answer me,” Mustang said when Ed had snapped his mouth closed. 

“I was,” Ed said, almost against his will. The pressure to answer had come so suddenly that Ed was blindsided by it. He wanted to tell Mustang, even as he didn’t. A scowl twisted his face and he swore. “Damn it. I knew I didn’t like that look on her face,” he muttered to himself. Mustang clearly caught it, all the same. 

“What happened?” Mustang asked in a no nonsense tone.

Ed wanted to tell him something, anything, other than the truth. But every time he tried to think of a lie, he hit a wall. He couldn’t even think of one. The only words coming to mind were different wordings of the truth, and even then, it bled down into certain phrases, the words collecting themselves in his mind and forcing out all other variations. Ed could feel his jaw working as he tried to fight it, but it was no use.

“We tracked her down to this house,” he started, slowly, the words so easy to say they wanted to trip off his tongue. “We could hear her talking up here and came up here carefully, keeping an eye out for arrays. Then she knocked the mannequin over and I stopped being so careful to make sure she didn’t have anyone else up here. I did look at the wall and door, but the array was well hidden, I don’t think I’d have seen it even if I’d taken more time to look. When I saw her she was ranting at the mannequin. She’s attacked everyone else by ambush and she couldn’t see Al, so I figured I’d try and see if I could convince her to come with me, and if that didn’t work, I could probably take her. She said she was going to show the military that she was better than all the other alchemists combined and lunged at me. She was probably aiming for the array outside the door anyway, and even when Al caught her after she dodged me, she managed to activate the array. She stopped struggling after that, let me search her for immediately accessible arrays without any issue. She clearly thought the array had worked, though I didn’t feel any different once the transmutation ended.” The entire report he gave in a monotone, still struggling with the words coming from him. They wanted to burst out of him and he had to concentrate on getting them out in the right order. Mustang’s expression was that blank one he hated again. 

“What about during the transmutation?” he asked. 

“I felt light-headed,” Ed answered, “There was a feeling of blood rushing towards my head. I was a little dizzy once the transmutation ended but otherwise I seemed unhurt. The dizziness was gone in seconds.”

“What about now?” the Colonel asked, and Ed felt his face twist as he resisted the answer. But it was probably a twist of irony that he couldn’t deny the truth.

“Physically, I feel fine,” Ed replied. Mustang, of course, jumped right on that.

“How do you feel mentally and emotionally then?” the Bastard asked.

“I feel conflicted,” he began, “I don’t want to tell you these things, at least not this way, but I can’t stop. I want to answer you. It’s like the words write themselves out for me to say, and if I try to say something else, it disappears. I have to work to say it in the right order.” Ed fell silent. Mustang swore. 

“Damn it, Fullmetal,” he said, sounding resigned. Indignant (and honestly relieved to be feeling it) Ed scowled at him.

“What should I have done differently, exactly? Should I have hoped I could knock her out from across the room without her seeing me? We still don’t know if there aren’t any other arrays here, it could have been something else, something _worse_ , Bastard.” Ed retorted, hunching his shoulders defensively. In the background Havoc seemed to be a bit relieved to see him act that way, and though Al gave a reprimanding “Brother!” he seemed to relax a bit as well. Mustang studied him, lips pressed thin.

“Is it only when you’re asked a question?” Mustang asked, leaning forward to put a hand on Ed’s forehead for some reason. 

“I don’t know,” Ed responded, irritated and trying to shy away from Mustang’s hand. Al caught him by the arms and while Ed whipped around to glare at Al, Mustang’s hand made contact with his head. 

It was only there for a few seconds before Mustang pulled it away with a quick “No fever then. I’m going to do a quick check of your head Fullmetal. Better we find out now if we need to drag you to a hospital.” That said Mustang ran his hands under Ed’s hair and over his scalp. It actually felt kind of nice, which of course meant Ed hated it twice as much. He glowered at Mustang the whole time.

“I hate hospitals,” Ed said with extra viciousness. He couldn’t help it, it was nice to insert a bit of venom into the words. 

“Why do you hate hospitals, Chief?” Havoc asked curiously from where he’d gone back to boxing up the non-alchemic evidence. 

“It smells like it did before mom died, and everyone is fake nice like they were then, too.” he responds without even thinking about it, and then immediately realizes what he said. “Ah, fuck.”

“No more questions,” Mustang said, giving Havoc a look. Havoc looked sheepish. 

“Sorry, Boss, sorry, Chief,” he said, now hurrying to finish what he’d been doing. Mustang turned back to Ed.

“Most of the previous victims have shown improvement or are no longer affected, so I’m expecting this to last only a few days to maybe a little over a week. I saw you resisting answering questions, and you will likely be doing a lot more of that. Don’t come into Command. If I need to speak with you I’ll find you. Stay in the dorms or the library, if you must, but minimize contact with people. Alphonse, that means you’re going to have to take charge of getting your brother’s meals. I assume you’re unaffected?” Mustang turned to look at him, and Al nodded. 

“I wasn’t in the transmutation in the first place, though I don’t know that it would affect me at all,” Al shrugged, armor clanking. Behind him Havoc made a hasty exit. “I can make sure Brother gets something to eat.” 

“Good, head back to the dorms now and I’ll come speak to you again later,” Mustang said.

“Why do we have to leave now?” Ed whined. It made him feel like a child being sent to his room which, he realized, he _was_. That just made it worse.

“Because right now, Fullmetal, you’re a security risk. If anyone asked you about this information you’d want to answer, and we don’t know how much you can resist. I certainly don't want to risk someone taking advantage of your current state. Havoc’s question was enough of an example, I think.” Mustang stared Ed in the eyes. “Will you follow my orders, Fullmetal?” Mouth working, Ed scowled. He really wanted to say something scathing, but instead-

“I don’t want to. I know you have a point, but I don’t want to be sent to my room like a misbehaving child!” the words tumbled out, leaving Ed in miserable anger. He hadn’t wanted to say that. He could feel the blush rising to his cheeks. Mustang, at least, wasn’t his usual bastard self for once.

“I am not trying to punish you, or treat you like a child. I am trying to keep you safe. Now, will you follow my orders?”

“I will,” Ed said, clamping down on the other words that wanted to tumble out of his mouth for no reason. He didn’t need to tell Mustang he trusted his judgement or that he was relieved that no one else was around to see this. Turning on his heel he stomped out, Al trailing behind him. 

They made their way back to the dorms in almost complete silence, the only time anyone said anything was when Al asked Ed if he would mind eating a sandwich he’d picked up from the shop. Ed had managed to get away with only a shrug. Arriving to their dorm room seemed to take too long and too short of a time all at once. Falling onto the bed with an explosive sigh, Ed scowled at the ceiling.

“It’s not so bad, Brother. You could be barking like a dog, like that one man, or in a coma. It could be worse,” Al said. Ed sighed again.

“Of course it could be worse. A lot of things could be worse. That doesn’t make this better, just better by comparison. It doesn’t make me feel better,” Ed turned away from his brother, staring at the wall.

“Well, this means the Colonel will give you a few days to rest,” Al said, clearly trying to be optimistic, “You’ve really been pushing yourself lately, and you hardly ever take a break.”

“A break won’t get your body back, Al.”

“No, probably not, but I don’t like to see you run yourself ragged, Brother.” 

“I don’t care about what happens to me so long as you get your body back,” Ed couldn’t stop the response, what with the wave of upset at the fact that his brother wanted him to sit here, to hide instead of working to fix his biggest mistake.

“I care about what happens to you, Brother,” Al said quietly. Ed closed his eyes, feeling like he was backed into a corner. He only hoped that Al wouldn’t push, but he knew Al. Al was better at people, but when he was upset or frustrated with Ed, he pushed. Ed usually managed to redirect or brush him off, but he couldn’t do that this time. Sure enough, the next thing he heard from Al was, “Why do you do this to yourself?”

“Because this is my mistake. I was the one who pushed and convinced you, I was the one who drove us forward, and I was the one who wanted her back the most so I could stop being responsible for us both and just be your big brother again!” the words started quietly, but his volume quickly rose to a shout. He desperately tried to get control of his volume again, if only because the dorms weren’t exactly soundproof. 

“What do you mean, ‘just my big brother’?” Al asked, quiet. Ed curled into the bed, trying to hide himself in the blankets to stop the answer, but Al wouldn’t let him. He dragged the blankets away before demanding in a voice gone up a pitch, “Brother, what do you mean by that?”

“I mean that ever since Mom died, I’ve had to be your parent before your brother. You depend on me and look to me for everything. I didn’t realize how hard it was until Mom was gone, and it was like the world dropped away but I still had to keep you grounded, and I couldn’t just be a kid, or just a big brother anymore. I always knew I was doing a shit job as a parent. But with Mom dead and the Bastard gone, what the hell else was I supposed to do? I had to be in charge. I had to take care of everything for both of us, to make the big decisions. I wanted Mom back because I missed her,” Ed couldn’t stop the sob from rising to his throat, “But I was willing to break the taboo because I wanted to be a kid again. That’s why it’s _my_ fault you lost your body. Parents aren’t supposed to hurt their kids.” Whatever the fuck that transmutation was, Ed was going to make that woman suffer for inflicting it on him. He couldn’t help the tears, and he wished he could take it all back now that he was in the thick silence following his confession. 

“I’m sorry, Ed,” Al said at length. Ed twisted himself around to stare at his brother. “I didn’t think about it like that. I never thought about it like that. Rationally, I knew that you were protecting me and taking care of me, but I never realized how much you were doing for me.” Al pulled Ed off the bed, and because it was Al, Ed let him place him onto his brother’s metal legs. “But you’re wrong about one thing, Brother. My losing my body was my fault too. We both agreed to the transmutation, and I never pushed back as hard as I could have, as hard as I should have, and that had a lot less to do with me trusting your word than it did with me wanting her back. We both made that decision, and we both have to live with the consequences. We both paid the price because we both participated. I’m responsible for my actions too, Brother, and I don’t appreciate you saying that I had no choice because I did, and I chose to join you. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was hurting you.”

Ed tried to tell Al that he wasn’t hurting him, but the words wouldn’t come. He clamped down on the words that did rise to his mouth, cursing the stupid transmutation and trying desperately to look for something to say. 

“I love you, Al,” he said, because it was the one true thing he could get out without worrying about it. “I have never regretted bringing you back, only that I had to, and that I couldn’t do it better.”

“I love you, too, Brother. I never blamed you for the armor. It was the best option available, and I’m just happy that I can still be with you.”

It wasn’t the end of the discussion. Ed could tell that there was more Al wanted to say, but Ed also knew Al needed some time to arrange his thoughts. So Ed sighed, curling into his brother’s chest plate. He got the feeling it was going to be a long evening.


End file.
